I have no idea

February 27, 2010

It is silly to think someone can be human without making promises to oneself; Of course I do, but do I keep them? Sometimes I do, other times not. Not always because of failure, but because of change. For example, at this moment I want to go to Iceland, in a week or so I will have another place in my sights and I will completely forget about Iceland. Would a promise preserve my lone desire to go to Iceland or hold me back from developing another ambition to go to Peru? Both and neither! If I wanted to go to Iceland that much I wouldn’t forget about it and if I really didn’t want to go after I promised myself I would, I would just break the promise, justifying that by saying things have changed. In other words I am a hedonist bastard with no consistency or morals. Or am I? Maybe I just say that as a cover for my contradictions. I never write anything. I am not a writer. I am afraid of writing. When I write, the product is me. If I met me I would HATE me. I am afraid of me. The product should not define me. I can relate to JD Salinger. I would have crawled into a hole if I were him too.