The Consumer.

July 31, 2008

Upon walking through the doors of a department store a transformation occurs, one changes from a human to a customer. No longer a living, breathing, articulate animal, but a business opportunity. Simply a means to gaining wealth. So why do we shop?

Now, us humans don’t like to acknowledge that we are in fact, humans. Correct? So shopping is an escape from our own humanity, and the world has turned into one big shopping mall, so by default, we are no longer humans. Simply consumers.



July 29, 2008

I tend to observe when I should partake and partake wrongly without observing (because I was too busy observing something else). For example when I’m spacing out (all the time) and someone is trying to grab my attention (through talking or yelling) I seem to just stare at them, wondering who they are talking to.  By nature I am an observer and interpreter but not so much a doer. I don’t have a stance on that.

Thoughts on Time.

July 29, 2008

Does time really exist?  We have a tendency to expect things out of the past, present, and future. Why? We know the future has yet to exist and the past has already existed therefore it no longer exists, but what about the present? Does the present moment really exist? Personally, after contemplation, I’ve come to the conclusion that nothing exists. By the time we perceive the present moment, it has transformed into the past. 

The concept of future is proof humans are naturally optimistic. How? Hope, hope that we will still be alive tomorrow, the next day, the day after, and so on. We need to realize our lives are not in anyone’s hands, our lives are teetering on the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s noodly appendage, and he has never dropped anything in his life.

Maybe there is an unknown law of the Conservation of Time? Time can neither be gained nor lost, only transferred from one dimension to another. Hmmm?

Yes, I am a chronologist.

Four Birds, One Stone.

July 25, 2008

I’ve made my contribution. Have you? What am I talking about, you ask? Well I’m talking about thickening our atmosphere. A thicker atmosphere ensures us protection from a number of things, including meteors, alien invasions, returning to earth after a trip to outer space, and the heat.

Well it turns out that global warming (either natural or human induced) will not fry us. In actuality it will put us back into the ice age. Explanation: Well, you see, salt water conducts heat better than fresh water, our melting ice caps are comprised of fresh water. The diluting of the salt water will shut down the thermal convection currents in the oceans, thus stopping the transfer of heat by water from one place to another, putting us into another ice age. Don’t get it? Well for you simple minded folk out there I simplified it. If you want it to cool down, give all your money to the oil companies and drive fast/aimlessly.

What’s wrong with believing men and women are different? Men and women do things differently, perceive things differently, and act differently in general. That doesn’t mean one gender is more able than the other, it just means I am different, you are different, she is different, and he is different, and we don’t want to admit that.

Posthumous Celebrity.

July 22, 2008

If Señor Heath Ledger never died would he be so popular right now? Probably not. If George W. Bush died in an hour would people start liking him? Probably not. But would they respect him? Most likely. By no means am I saying he’s a good man, but it takes a hell of a guy to blatantly defy the will of the people, stand by his oppressive greedy imperialist ways, and act like the constitution doesn’t exist and still claim himself a devout christian. Thats the kind of christian I like to see. What I’m trying to say is when people die we are optimistic about the wrong things. We look at the bright side of the person rather than the bright side of the “tragedy”.


July 22, 2008

Idleness is not a bad thing. Actually not even close. When I am idle I am most productive, even more so than when I am actually producing. If the utmost goal of a human is to achieve nothingness (buddhism), than doing nothing is as close as one can get to nothingness without trying. I know, it’s a beautiful thing.

I firmly believe the shortage of philosophers in america directly correlates to the protestant work ethic instilled into everyone at birth. (protestant or not) The protestant work ethic ensures that everyone has no time to think and anyone who dares to think is condemned. So please people, relax, be merry, and face it, your gonna die.

“The Twelfth Night” by William Shakespeare. Performed by: The Middletown Art Farm at Middlesex Community College

Go see it, you won’t be sorry.

As I ventured down Newfield Street today I felt the need to visit my friend Bill. Its been months since my last visit and his workplace never ceases to amaze me. Everything I have ever wanted is right in that store. (Yes, including the whale jaw.) May I add he is the only man I have ever met to be made into a bobblehead. Today I learned that he owns every Bob Dylan Record, has better hair than Sampson, sells wine illegally, and sells striped suspenders. My life is complete.

Medical Breakthrough.

July 16, 2008

With recent cancer scares in my family, I began studying cancer and its causes. I’m convinced cancer is caused by all the chemicals in our food. Maybe we don’t need a cure for cancer, maybe we should start being more picky about where our fruit comes from and who is growing it, or even start growing our own fruits and vegetables altogether. 

Further research into the diet and lifestyle of birds has lead me to believe a full seed diet prevents cancer. Sound crazy? Well I have never heard of a bird with cancer.

We shall fight cancer, and the corporations alike, with a shovel and hoe.