Carmensita.

Possibly the greatest music video ever made.

Carmensita By: Devendra Banhart

Idleness. Part 2.

I have come to realize a few things this summer. One is never to trust an automatic door. Another is always roll through stop signs when one is being followed by some form of authority. But most importantly that an occupied mind is an unproductive one. Ever since I started working I haven’t written a poem, something I did daily previous to being enslaved by Bob. And now that school is going to start I’ll be even more distracted from everything that truly is important to me. It’s not the school work I’m worried about, its the fact that I’m going to be booked solid, that means my only space out time will be during class, making my grades fall. So I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, be idle during school to enhance my creativity so I do better in college or get good grades so I can get into college?

I’m going to find a happy medium, and maybe listen to some Bob Dylan in the process.

New Age Jesus.

I’m surprised Jesus hasn’t been commercialized yet. (Or has he?) I mean, he has got ahold of the majority of people in the US. Buying the rights to Jesus would be beneficial to wal-mart, home depot, or even the local porn shop (imagine all the new business). I picture him with a neutral politically correct skin color, wearing Jordans, eating Mcdonalds, rocking an Abercrombie shirt, drinking a Budlight, throwing up the deuces, while sitting in a La-Z-Boy recliner at the entrance of a combination Super Walmart/Home Depot, packing a bottle of cholesterol pills in his velvet robe pocket, with an M-16 over his shoulder, and a pile of dead, innocent, middle easterners next to him.

Now thats the Jesus people believe in, but are too afraid to admit it. I guess they do know what the meaning of hypocrisy is.

Dear United States of America,

Don’t be so quick to judge. You haven’t been so nice to small countries either. Russia is doing the same thing you say you are doing, defending themselves. They say they were struck first, and they retaliated with an invasion. Sound familiar? Thought so. Maybe your just mad because they have an actual reason to invade and your reason is just speculation. (In reality, just a diversion) So please Uncle Sam, mind your own business, your not one to talk. On second thought, keep on going, apparently we need more reason for a revolution and your doing the trick fine sir. If you will excuse me I’m gonna go do something less insulting to Texans.

In Peace, Irate Citizen

Extremes.

I would have to say my favorite extreme is “extreme absence from home”, meaning being far away for an extended period of time. It has been said by many that extremes are never a good thing, but I disagree. I think extremes are only existent to counteract other extremes, balancing everything out. For example, Bungee jumping is to Golf as Greed is to Charity.  So lets prove them wrong. In comment form, lets begin a list of good extremes. Ready, Set, Go.

Assumptions + Dairy = Blog

I have, in fact, been verbally assaulted by an old woman. For what, you ask?  Well her simple ignorance for anyone other than her brother.

So I was minding my own business talking with friends outside of Dairy Queen in the village of Westbrook, Connecticut. The old woman from the previous paragraph barges out the door after her mentally challenged brother, just looking for trouble. She says, “Excuse me sir!” and I look around confused looking for this mysterious “sir”. I am soon to find out that in fact this “sir” is actually me. “I know your from a wealthy area…” (assuming so because I was dressed rather spiffy) She yelps. I interject with a simple “I live in Middletown”. She goes on to tell me she lives in New Haven, along with her brother and that she was very angry with me. “Is it because I’m wearing my hat at the table?” I questioned, and she goes on to accuse me of looking down upon her brother. Yada yada yada and it ends with a disgruntled old woman walking away and a group of seven, very confused, teenagers.

I would like to add that I really, truly, at first thought her scolding was because of my hat. Also that I did not even look at the mentally challenged man until she started yelling. What got me was that her anger drove him, a mentally challenged man, (some of the happiest, care-free people of the world) to yell “Yeah! Bug Off!” at me just as angry as she was, and that is a true crime against humanity.

The Consumer.

Upon walking through the doors of a department store a transformation occurs, one changes from a human to a customer. No longer a living, breathing, articulate animal, but a business opportunity. Simply a means to gaining wealth. So why do we shop?

Now, us humans don’t like to acknowledge that we are in fact, humans. Correct? So shopping is an escape from our own humanity, and the world has turned into one big shopping mall, so by default, we are no longer humans. Simply consumers.

Tendencies.

I tend to observe when I should partake and partake wrongly without observing (because I was too busy observing something else). For example when I’m spacing out (all the time) and someone is trying to grab my attention (through talking or yelling) I seem to just stare at them, wondering who they are talking to.  By nature I am an observer and interpreter but not so much a doer. I don’t have a stance on that.

Thoughts on Time.

Does time really exist?  We have a tendency to expect things out of the past, present, and future. Why? We know the future has yet to exist and the past has already existed therefore it no longer exists, but what about the present? Does the present moment really exist? Personally, after drunken contemplation, I’ve come to the conclusion that nothing exists. By the time we perceive the present moment, it has transformed into the past. 

The concept of future is proof humans are naturally optimistic. How? Hope, hope that we will still be alive tomorrow, the next day, the day after, and so on. We need to realize our lives are not in anyone’s hands, our lives are teetering on the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s noodly appendage, and he has never dropped anything in his life.

Maybe there is an unknown law of the Conservation of Time? Time can neither be gained nor lost, only transferred from one dimension to another. Hmmm?

Yes, I am a chronologist.

Four Birds, One Stone.

I’ve made my contribution. Have you? What am I talking about, you ask? Well I’m talking about thickening our atmosphere. A thicker atmosphere ensures us protection from a number of things, including meteors, alien invasions, returning to earth after a trip to outer space, and the heat.

Well it turns out that global warming (either natural or human induced) will not fry us. In actuality it will put us back into the ice age. Explanation: Well, you see, salt water conducts heat better than fresh water, our melting ice caps are comprised of fresh water. The diluting of the salt water will shut down the thermal convection currents in the oceans, thus stopping the transfer of heat by water from one place to another, putting us into another ice age. Don’t get it? Well for you simple minded folk out there I simplified it. If you want it to cool down, give all your money to the oil companies and drive fast/aimlessly.